A Challenge of my Faith
I feel as though I have grossly disregarded the Spirit of God this afternoon; inwardly, though outwardly I probably did ok.
I met a gentleman named Colin and he is from the U.K. We spent the last hour and a half talking after I met him in an upper part of Conception in an area of Marikina that I have not been before.
After spending an hour with him I started to think of ways that I could get away from him. I started to think of ways that I could get away from him because if I did not get away from him I thought that he would ask me for money and I would not be able to refuse him because I was reminded just this morning of the teachings of Christ where the 5th chapter of Matthew reminded me that Jesus taught not to refuse an evil man. To give to anyone who would ask you and to lend to anyone who would want to borrow. That is a scary teaching for me. Because I don't want to give when I don't think the person that is in front of me is not worth giving to.
In the course of the conversation that I had with Colin I became convinced that he was a drinker (regular spending his money on booze instead of basics like food and shelter), a womanizer and a man that would only use any gift that I gave him (including food) to fuel his life of pursuing women and money.
As I write that though I think of myself that there was a time that my desire was to pursue women and money when I did not pursue God's wisdom and direction. And if I am to accept God's grace and the provision he has given to me then I should live my life in disregard of my own needs and in regard only to God's desires, God's will.
This is a tough teaching!! Because in the end all I wanted to do was get away from Colin. And in the end that is what I did (well, not the 'very' end). The moment that he told me that he was supposed to meet a friend of his this afternoon, he began to head in the other direction. And I took that opportunity to walk swiftly in the other direction with a very insincere (though sincere 'sounding') "Ok Colin, nice to meet you. Perhaps we'll run into each other again sometime".
But after about thirty seconds and a hundred and fifty feet later, I could see that Colin had turned around and was starting to come my direction again. I think that his eyesight wasn't that great because he didn't seem to notice me looking back at him about once a minute to see if he was still following me.
I walked around the corner, around the block and ducked into the Internet Cafe that Colin and I had talked in front of just a half hour earlier. They keep the Internet Cafe door locked but Colin knew where to find me and he knocked on the door. The clerk opened up the door and I hoped against the odds that he wouldn't see me behind the other side of the door (there wasn't a free Internet terminal yet).
But there I was, and there he saw me. "Oh there you are." he said. I responded with all the enthusiasm that I could muster though I still had no desire to be anywhere near him because of that scripture that was still in my mind. I mean, how could Jesus tell all the listeners that were following him that they should not resist an evil man and to give to anyone that would ask?
"Here's my email address" Colin said as he asked the Internet cafe attendant for a piece of paper. "It's always good to run into good foreigners. Most of the foreigners that I run into are drunks". It's a hard teaching! I am still thinking to myself. I didn't run away from Colin but I sure wanted to! And I really tried to emotionally prepare myself for giving to him as we talked. I kept on looking at the sores all over his body and listening to his stories of going out drinking with his friends last night and the many other stories he told me.
I in turn shared my experiences with him, the inner struggles that I had in giving to a poor boy the other night that wasn't satisfied with the bread that I offered him. Another story of a missed
opportunity to give to someone when they asked for more than I was offering (and at the time I thought more than I could afford to give). In hindsight however I see that was an excuse to think of my own needs and to not put my faith in God begin able to provide for my needs.
What do I learn from both this experience with Colin and the experience with the boy?; my lesson is to ask myself do I really believe in a God that can provide for all of my needs. And if he 'can' provide for all of my needs then I should be able to follow his direction to me. "Do not resist an evil man. Give to anyone who would ask of you and do not refuse anyone who would want to borrow from you.".
And though I know that there are many that would find this belief foolish I have the same challenge for them as I do for anyone who doesn't believe. Show me a man who has given himself completely over to God and is starving or has no clothes. Show me that man because I have never met him.
I met a gentleman named Colin and he is from the U.K. We spent the last hour and a half talking after I met him in an upper part of Conception in an area of Marikina that I have not been before.
After spending an hour with him I started to think of ways that I could get away from him. I started to think of ways that I could get away from him because if I did not get away from him I thought that he would ask me for money and I would not be able to refuse him because I was reminded just this morning of the teachings of Christ where the 5th chapter of Matthew reminded me that Jesus taught not to refuse an evil man. To give to anyone who would ask you and to lend to anyone who would want to borrow. That is a scary teaching for me. Because I don't want to give when I don't think the person that is in front of me is not worth giving to.
In the course of the conversation that I had with Colin I became convinced that he was a drinker (regular spending his money on booze instead of basics like food and shelter), a womanizer and a man that would only use any gift that I gave him (including food) to fuel his life of pursuing women and money.
As I write that though I think of myself that there was a time that my desire was to pursue women and money when I did not pursue God's wisdom and direction. And if I am to accept God's grace and the provision he has given to me then I should live my life in disregard of my own needs and in regard only to God's desires, God's will.
This is a tough teaching!! Because in the end all I wanted to do was get away from Colin. And in the end that is what I did (well, not the 'very' end). The moment that he told me that he was supposed to meet a friend of his this afternoon, he began to head in the other direction. And I took that opportunity to walk swiftly in the other direction with a very insincere (though sincere 'sounding') "Ok Colin, nice to meet you. Perhaps we'll run into each other again sometime".
But after about thirty seconds and a hundred and fifty feet later, I could see that Colin had turned around and was starting to come my direction again. I think that his eyesight wasn't that great because he didn't seem to notice me looking back at him about once a minute to see if he was still following me.
I walked around the corner, around the block and ducked into the Internet Cafe that Colin and I had talked in front of just a half hour earlier. They keep the Internet Cafe door locked but Colin knew where to find me and he knocked on the door. The clerk opened up the door and I hoped against the odds that he wouldn't see me behind the other side of the door (there wasn't a free Internet terminal yet).
But there I was, and there he saw me. "Oh there you are." he said. I responded with all the enthusiasm that I could muster though I still had no desire to be anywhere near him because of that scripture that was still in my mind. I mean, how could Jesus tell all the listeners that were following him that they should not resist an evil man and to give to anyone that would ask?
"Here's my email address" Colin said as he asked the Internet cafe attendant for a piece of paper. "It's always good to run into good foreigners. Most of the foreigners that I run into are drunks". It's a hard teaching! I am still thinking to myself. I didn't run away from Colin but I sure wanted to! And I really tried to emotionally prepare myself for giving to him as we talked. I kept on looking at the sores all over his body and listening to his stories of going out drinking with his friends last night and the many other stories he told me.
I in turn shared my experiences with him, the inner struggles that I had in giving to a poor boy the other night that wasn't satisfied with the bread that I offered him. Another story of a missed
opportunity to give to someone when they asked for more than I was offering (and at the time I thought more than I could afford to give). In hindsight however I see that was an excuse to think of my own needs and to not put my faith in God begin able to provide for my needs.
What do I learn from both this experience with Colin and the experience with the boy?; my lesson is to ask myself do I really believe in a God that can provide for all of my needs. And if he 'can' provide for all of my needs then I should be able to follow his direction to me. "Do not resist an evil man. Give to anyone who would ask of you and do not refuse anyone who would want to borrow from you.".
And though I know that there are many that would find this belief foolish I have the same challenge for them as I do for anyone who doesn't believe. Show me a man who has given himself completely over to God and is starving or has no clothes. Show me that man because I have never met him.
posted by Timothy at 1/03/2006 03:00:00 PM
1 Comments:
Wow! Something to think about. How are you? Have not heard from you in a long, long time. Are you still over seas? Are you married yet? Hope all is well.
Blessings, Evita
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