A Little Old Tim

I had a little piece of the old Tim resurface this morning. I always have a same sense of the "WHAT WAS THAT!" when it comes up and then in a split second it's gone. And then, in the wake of that old Timmie I'm left with a 'knowing' of what I need to do about it but it's always hard when I have to face it. The scriptures teach us that Jesus was open and honest, never hiding what he taught. He never lived in secrecy. He did however keep certain things from "outsiders", only revealing them to the inner circle. But that was because he knew the heart of men and he knew what to reveal and when. That is another subject I don't have time to write about right now.

"I always taught openly in the temple" he exclaimed (John 18:19-21). And in the book of James we read an important teaching about confessing your errors to your brothers in Christ so that you can be healed (James 5:16). And there are many other things written in the scriptures that make it clear that followers of Christ are, to use more modern words, "open" and "transparent".

"I thought I was still in Marikina" was a lie that I heard come out of my mouth one of the last times I heard that old Tim resurface. It only took me a couple of minutes to recover and correct myself from the lie that I had told to a Manila police officer on a day that my vehicle was "color coded" and I had forgotten about the color coding. I can't seem to stop that old Tim from, every once in a while, coming out for a split second. But I can do as the scriptures give me example to, and confess my errors. My wife 'is' a follower of Christ also, so it makes it more clear for me to do this with her.

This morning it was harder because the matter 'included' her. "Did you already give the marketing money?". Before I could even think the old Tim had an old evil habit come out of him and had said "yes". And the conversation didn't last another couple of minutes like the one with the Police Officer. I know how busy she has been at work and so it's hard for me to take the extra time with her on all but the most important matters; so it wasn't as easy to recover from. "Call her back" has crossed my mind on more than one occasion today. But it's our anniversary and confessing this transgression to her might mess up the whole evening. It also seems like such a little thing, important enough to tell her about, but just not important enough to tell her about 'now'.

"I'm going to give the marketing money to her in just a moment. I just haven't gotten to do it yet because I just came in." ... That's along the lines of what went through my mind at the moment my wife had asked me if I had given the marketing money. "Giving the marketing money in just a minute or two is just as good as having done it already". That's another thought/old reflex that had gone through my mind in that moment.

But after the 'moment' passes it doesn't take me long to realize the truth that it was a lie and I know that. A deceitful habit that I had developed over the course of years before God gave me faith. A habit that I had used to my benefit when I thought that protecting myself and protecting my reputation was 'so' important. It was firmly rooted in pride and self love. God's continuing to work on me but I have a part to do also. More than across the centuries, in fact "in the present" more than the scriptures speak. In the present the Word of God through the Holy Spirit whispers to me "Confess your sins one to another so you will be healed".